Dancing Through Life

I know! Its been a while. I am finally coming to the end of my PGCE and have the time to write what I want, and not what I need to. From typing endless lesson plans and rationales I’ve had no energy to write anything else. So as its been a few months since my last blog post let me update you.

I DID have an appointment for my double mastectomy to go ahead June 15th. But last week after an appointment with my surgeon I realised there were still some factors not 100% in my brain. There are so many options. I am still unsure about.. expanders (temporary implants), permanent implants, sub-muscular (under the pectoral muscle) and sub-glandular (over the muscle). I’m still doing my research to figure out what is best for me, and think basically I need more time to be certain. I mean I will have these new boobs for longer than I have ever had my originals, so I need them to be right. Whenever surgery happens I need to also be sure I have the right people around me to love and support me through my recovery. I have the bestest friends who have really educated themselves on Brca1, joking that they’ll get 3D nipple tattoos or even a nipple piercing in honour, we’ll see if that happens ay ha! But seriously, I am so thankful for them all.

“Some people won’t love you no matter what you do, and some people won’t stop loving you no matter what you do. Go where the love is”

Mum is doing fabulous since her double mastectomy in September. We took her new chebs on their first holiday to Ibiza and had an absolute ball! Don’t get me wrong mum is still adjusting and finding her limits, the occasional knock in work can set her back but this week we’ve started pilates as a way to build her strength back up. She surprised herself the next day when I was the one in agony and she was fine.

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Every womans’ journey and needs will be different, and every surgeon has their preferences and suggestions. We all start with different size/shape breasts and have different outcomes in mind. For example, I am a dancer and use my pectoral muscles more than most, therefore deciding to go above or beneath the muscle is crucial for the type of recovery I need. At my last appointment I was told, due to having ‘large breasts’, my scars will be bigger than average because the doctors have more tissue to remove. This means possible front facing scarring as apposed to underneath the breast, like in regular implant surgery. Naturally I am upset about this and need to remind myself constantly as to why I am doing this. The glue my mum had to seal her scars is incredible and barely visible, so I have already requested that.

I am uncertain what the future holds career-wise at the moment. Possibly teaching dance, possibly still performing away somewhere exciting. I feel like my new boobs could diminish any dreams I had of performing in shows such as the ‘Lido’ or ‘Moulin Rouge’ in Paris, and I truthfully don’t know if I’m ready to let go of that yet. I have to remember the wonderful places my boobs HAVE been, and fabulous costumes they’ve worn (or haven’t worn), the great jobs they’ve got me, the many beautiful Victoria’s Secret bras they grace daily, and realise that not all is lost. I’m sure they will continue to live a fabulous less scary life.

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A word of advice for any lady about to go through this, ask questions, do research, find post op photos, speak to other women and most importantly know what you want. There may be an option available to you that you have no idea about. Do not rush into this, is one thing I have realised recently.

As always, thanks for reading.
Abbie x