Tomorrow is the date for my prophylactic mastectomy and I can tell you that my emotions are all over the show. I’ve cried most of the day, mainly due to feeling overwhelmed with the amount of love I feel from everyone around me. It is solely this support network that is getting me through this. The amount of people reaching out to wish me well has been incredible, I can’t wait to reply to each and every one of you whilst recovering.
One half of me is struggling with the thought of having ugly boobs for the foreseeable future, and the other half is constantly reminding myself why I am doing this. In my final surgery meeting, we decided (all six of us in the room) that having breast expanders put in prior to my permanent silicone implants is the best path for me, giving me less chance of complications and infection. Naturally, I am disheartened as this means two operarions and not one like I had previously fought for. For a while I will be living with solid uncomfortable boobs, or so I’m told, which will be pumped up with saline on a fortnightly basis until I’m happy with the size. Commonly nicknamed as rocks’ or ‘boulders’, these implants will be in for 3-6 months until I have my exchange surgery to the wonderful, silicone, teardrop implants I eagerly anticipate.
I read something the other day that will stick with me forever.
‘Breasts, the mounds of fatty tissue which are attached to your chest, do not make you a woman. Remember, you were not born with breasts, they slowly grew. But you were born female, a woman. You have always had the grace, the intelligence, courage, power and stamina that makes and defines you as a woman’. It’s for this reason that I will not let my new boobs, as disastrous as they may be, define me. Or will I let my Brca mutation for that matter. I am making a decision that means I will no longer worry about breast cancer, no longer be under surveillance and no longer wonder if my biopsies are coming back benign or not. A friend said to me recently ‘your boobs are lovely, but you’re lovelier,’ and it’s as simple as that.
My hospital bag is all ready to go with my lush new hospital pyjamas, my not so glam mastectomy bras and my Drain Dollies, which will give me the freedom to move around with my post surgery drains in.
I’ve got the appointments booked in for my friends to wash my hair/paint my nails etc. I’ve fully got all bases covered and feel as prepared for this as I will ever be.
I’ll be back with an update of my recovery ❤
Again, thank you for reading. Any questions please don’t hesitate to get in touch x